In the U.S., we have pop-music impresarios. In Russia, they've got masterminds: One Ivan Shapovalov parlayed his psychology degree into solid gold when he recruited a pair of teen cuties to sing dopey pop-rock songs about being gay while coyly denying any rumors that they are. Lena Katina and Julia Volkova are hardworking employees -- they've scandalized Russia with "All the Things She Said," a song about young lesbians that sounds something like A-Ha. On 200 Km/Hr, they gamely squeak in English over discofied hard-rockish beats and cover the Smiths' lonely-boy anthem "How Soon Is Now." Unfortunately, T.a.t.u. believe they're making serious rock, which takes the fun out of the concept. "Clowns all around you," they chirp on "Clowns." "It's a cross I need to bear." You and me both, girlie.